The fall has begun- I think some of you might agree with me that the weather has been crazy. Like a roller coaster. At least, the leaves turns into fall colors which I love! I can’t believe we’re halfway to January. Unbelievable, right?
By unbelievable, not just how time flies but there are something I’ve been dealing with.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
The last weekend of October is really tense. On Friday at four in the morning, Costa Rican familia called and informed mom, “it is the time.” No one knows when. I don’t like the idea of waiting for her to go. On Saturday, they keep updated about her. Until that night, it become closer and closer of her time. Those days are very emotional. I look up and said, “take her with You.”
In the end, yesterday- on Sunday- she passed away.
I remember when I got the news, the first thing on my mind is run away from anybody. But I didn’t. Instead, I held in and drove to the church as if I can handle this just fine. When I told my sister and others the news, that moment I feel bottling up more and more. The truth is, I’ve been holding in for a few months because I knew she was sick. I hoped to see her when I fly to Costa Rica next year since I haven’t seen her for more than five years and she left too soon. So, I broke down in front of them and my sister comforts me.
After church, on the way home- I catch a glimpse of the birds flying in the sky, I immediately realize that is from God. He send those birds to give me a message that she is with Him. Although, it is really rough for me because the process of grieving is not easy. Then, I comprehend the verse, Joshua 1:9. God wanted me for my great grandma: be strong and courageous. He didn’t want me to be afraid or discouraged because she finally reunites with my great-grandpa after 18 years.
With being said, I decide to keep going through the pain in a positive way because she’s in a peace than suffer. Someone told me: I’m just moving into acceptance that she is not here. She will be missed and will always remember in my heart. She has lived a very long life and see each of us growing up. Familia is all she had. I’m truly grateful to have her in my life. For sure, I will see her again along with my great grandpa.
I know I’m not alone in this. For those who’s with me through together, I’m fortunate to have you. Your love and support is what keeps me going as well as God is with me, too.
I love you,
my beautiful great grandma.